For the most part, I take what life throws at me with an even keel. I don't excessively bitch, I shut the fuck up, and get through my problems.

This is not one of those times. I am fucking angry as hell at all the shit that never stops happening to me. I’ve gotten my ass beat over the past few weeks, finding out I am getting laid off from my job, which I can deal with. I sucked it up, and figure at least I can deal with unemployment better then most other people.

Then this shit happens to me:







 

 I pretty much had all morale and spirit drained from me when I wake up Sunday night, the cops hammering on my door, and find some drunk motherfucker has hit and ran my car. No, my insurance does not cover it, being a salvage title car, I could only get 1 way (liability) insurance. Now I’m trying to decide whether I want to buy another car, or get it repaired, and I’m already sick to death of everyone that’s trying to hustle me.

There’s really not much else to say, this is about as down as I’ve ever felt.

Questions of late, short answers for the gist of it.

1. Did you move into your new place yet?

No. I got fucked over when we found out the home owner's association is suing the developer, the pending litigation was enough for the lender to decline my approval because of their dispute. It fucking sucks ass. Is your real estate agent garbage Chao? Yes, I would be inclined to agree he is shit. I am down almost $800 after paying for the inspection and appraisal, but what really pisses me off is how much time I wasted on such, been almost a month and a half now. All the meetings, time on the phone at lunch, numerous emails, it disgusts me how this sequence of events turned out, and the amount of energy I wasted.

2. Why did you quit WoW?

Lack of time, boredom, and really I've seen and done it all. Basically, the question I asked myself was this: Do I really want to waste more of my life worrying about whether I'll have enough healers for a raid? HELLLLL NO. I am 99% sure I am done forever this time.  

3. What happened between you and Brenda?

Shit happens. Let's leave it at that. We still get along well.

4. Are you a firefighter yet?

No.

5. Are you working as an EMT now?

No. The starting pay is 9.50-11.00 an hour. I refuse to accept that payrate. Don't believe me? Go to craigslist and search for EMT jobs. My EMT experience was also a miserable and mentally draining affair, due to conflict I had with the assistant proctor, as well as the retarded contradictions by the various assistants.

6. What do you work as now then instead?

I am a hybrid auditor, field agent, manager, analyst, and whatever other hat they need me to wear. Is the money good? Yes, it is pretty decent. I make $51,000 a year now, after factoring in the extra money they give me for travel expenses. "Fuck 9.50 an hour."

7. How much do you weigh now? You dipped pretty low at one point.

I am back into my preferred "Attack Mode". I am 163 lbs right now. I am shooting for 170 by the time I turn 23.

[

mood

|

cynical

]

Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of working alongside people with tremendous talents, decisiveness, and sheer ingenuity.

They’ve just been few and far between of late.

Looking towards my immediate future, I’m not particularly enthused at the prospects of the upcoming mass casualty incident test, and my probable role for such. The MCI will deviate from our standard roles of 5 man units, and push things to a higher level, requiring an Incident Commander to coordinate the existing 5 teams.

The post will be filled by one of the 5 captains, being democratically elected by our voting. Given the wide level of deference to my voice alone currently, it’s close to a foregone conclusion I’ll be the Incident Commander. I don’t like it. One bit.

For one, this event deviates from mock play scenarios, going for the realism Johansen is frequently jabbering about. I’ll have nearly all the resources to control from any similar MCI in real life, highlighted by a chopper commissioned by Johansen to support the event.

Two, the high level of casualties and assorted life or death victims will necessitate triage on a grand scale, forcing me into a role I am not very good at, or particularly fond of implementing: Delegation. Oh how I detest thee.

My preferred command style is loose and flexible, yet I’ll tighten up considerably if the need arises. More often then not, I settle for the latter, not trusting some of my people to get the job done correctly, with only broad direction coming from my end. And for good reason, I’ve entrusted seemingly no shit tasks in the past for people, only to be burned later on, for any number of reasons: Stupidity. Negligence. Incompetence. Or my personal favorite, “I forgot.” What the fuck do you mean you forgot?

There’s something to be said if one prepares for worst case scenario’s, actively implementing back up plans for the eventuality of people failing to meet my expectations.

Ha. So no pressure right Chao?

Right.

I am not particularly happy seeing what I currently see from my team, and the other captains. One girl in my team has a tendency to constantly giggle, regardless of the situation. I want to slug her in the head sometimes. And for fucks sake, Team 3 last week managed to lose all their suction equipment, then later their ENTIRE cadre of supplies, leaving their shit wherever the fuck they left it. Great. And Hollis (their captain) will be serving as one of my officers for the MCI. That’s just fucking dandy.

People can just piss me off. They come in 2 arch types. The followers, and the yappers. The followers are just that, good at following, but semi comatose when it comes to assertive, independent actions.

The yappers? Their favored lines: "I think we should do this……….I think we need………….I think we want………………"

I THINK, I THINK, I THINK.

Wonderful, you’re quite talented for iterating an opinion, and hey, it might even be something I agree with. Then they don’t do shit after all the talk, the flapping was for naught, unless I impose my iron will to “get er done.”

God damn it, just for once, I’d love to see another rise up, and serve as the face for once, doing what I can do, seeing what I can see, preparing the way I can prepare. Is that too much to ask for? Or hell, do it better then I can do it. I have no qualms about my abilities, I’ve said it many times before, there is absolutely nothing special about my game. I’m competent, but nothing exceptional. I suppose I’ll just have to live with it for now, until I meet people who can kick my ass.